2018, dir. James Franco/Bruce Thierry Cheung, Jeff Wahlberg, Suki
Waterhouse: IMDb /
allmovie. After
the androids were used to fight the Last War and civilisation fell,
all is sand and motorcycles, and hawt babes are a far more
jealously-guarded resource than leather or petrol.
Raider gangs! Milla Jovovich playing crazy! Lesbian robots!
What's not to like? Quite a lot, as it turns out.
I haven't found any information about the budget for this, but in
spite of all its extras and its wide sweeping views it feels cheap.
When you know you're making a cheap film, you can put as much actual
money as you like into it, you can get several medium-big stars
especially if they only have small parts, but you can't get rid of
that cheap feeling. One of the sure signs of it is when you don't
bother to give names to most of your characters; they're Prince,
Warlord, Drug Lord. Similarly there are only four locations, and
they're very clearly just abandoned parts of California given a tiny
bit of set dressing.
There must be a story behind this film. Clearly nobody involved can
have thought they were making something good. So why did the people
one has heard of sign on for the film in the first place? Hurting for
some cocaine money? Owed a favour to Franco? Tax writeoff?
When I ask "how did Warlord find out where the last robot was, and
where did he get the robot-control device?" I've already put more
thought into the script than the writers did.
Of course the post-apocalyptic wasteland has a strip club/brothel. Of
course the pimp is played by Snoop Dogg. Of course the girls are
controlled by shock collars. Do we want to try to make a point about
control of women? Nah, on to the next thing.
Jeff Wahlberg (nephew of the Wahlbergs you might have heard of) is,
frankly, not much of a lead, standing around dully with his mouth
hanging open whether he's meant to be registering sadness, concern,
drugged-out bliss or rage; the script which has him falling straight
into every trap he meets and always making the most obvious and stupid
choice does him no favours. Suki Waterhouse is a model who, in spite
of her performance here (admittedly quite well cast as a robot that's
erased its memories so doesn't really know how to act human) continues
to get acting work. But doesn't this film have James Franco and Lucy
Liu and Carmen Argenziano and Milla Jovovich and… yeah, it does, but
it very rarely has them together; mostly they're only on screen for
a few scenes, with one or both of our principals and lots of extras
rather than each other. It's a lot cheaper that way, because you don't
have to match up the schedules of the people who actually have other
things to do; Jovovich would probably get third billing in terms of
screen time, and if you told me her scenes had been shot in a single
filming day I'd believe you. (She's the only person here who's worked
out that she's in a cinematic disaster, so she at least has some fun
camping it up. Pass me another scenery sandwich…)
In terms of filmic technique there's a lot of Steadicam dollying (i.e.
on foot, slightly jerkily), the occasional blood splatter across the
lens, and someone's clearly had a good rootle through the Mad Max
props bins. But there's no energy to the thing; someone cranked up
the film-maker-o-matic and they're all doing what it tells them, but
nobody seems to know why. What little plot there is is stretched out
to 83 minutes not with action or even interesting dialogue but with
repetitive shots of people crossing the desert.
I've said it before: there's bad film that has energy and there's bad
film that just lies there rotting. Strictly for the connoisseur of the
abysmal. In a perverse way, I rather enjoyed it.
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