RogerBW's Blog

That Implanted Tracking Chip In Full 20 March 2021

Now that millions of people in the UK have had their first COVID-19 vaccination, our tireless team of imaginary researchers has had plenty of opportunities to examine the tracking chip that is, we are assured by many people with no possible ulterior motive, being implanted with every shot.

And really, what a disaster! I mean, all right, this is a British government procurement project, so obviously the contract was going to go to someone's brother-in-law. But come on, this is 2021! We're using IPv6! (Some of us are, anyway.) Using a 32-bit ID is simply incompatible with global surveillance standards – that's as simple as working out log₂(7.8 billion) – and even counting just the UK's population that leaves only five bits for start and end codes. That just gets you 0-31, not 666!

Now obviously Bill Gates had to be kept sweet, but even he would admit that Windows for Snooping just isn't up to the job here. It hasn't had a security update since Snowden spilled its secrets in 2013! The US government rejected it as insufficiently intrusive after it was proved that users could bring their tracking uncertainty up to ten metres in rural areas! (They're using the Google Tracker custom Android system, of course, while most of the rest of the world is sticking with embedded Linux and locationleakd.) I'm sure someone got bought a very nice lunch though.

And as for the hardware… yes, I can see they have to keep costs down at this production scale, but isn't the point of a tracking chip that you can, y'know, track people? With the chip alone you'll be lucky to get more than a twenty-metre read, which may be fine for cops looking for dissenters for the 4am roundups, but isn't so great if you're trying to aim the Zoroastrian Space Lasers (other Middle Eastern religions are available) – and really, without the orbital lasers you're throwing away a lot of the benefits of doing this at all. All right, I have to admire the ingenuity that's going to make fashionable amplifier hats available in every branch of next this summer, but really, how long are people going to wear them?

And the batch 1 chips they're using now only have a 16-week battery; who came up with that brilliant idea? Couldn't get the glucose burners from Suzhou in time, eh?

After all that a little bird tells me that the tracking servers (run by Capita, of course, I mean who else?) haven't even been properly asperged with virgins' blood – that'll have to wait till 2030. (Assuming they can find any virgins by then.) When seventeen million people voted for Brexit they were calling for hell on Earth NOW, not in ten years' time!

Wake UP, sheeple! You deserve better than this!


  1. Posted by John P at 08:43pm on 20 March 2021

    Yeah, it's frightening how gullible (or stupid) people are isn't it?

    The whole "chip in a vaccine" fails reality checks on so many levels. The sheer implausibility of multiple governments & vaccine producers agreeing to coordinate and keep a secret like that when they can't even agree on really obvious stuff like climate change.

    OK, so Hitachi do a chip that is 0.15mm square that would fit through a needle, but it can only be read from a few millimetres away. But let's assume that you can, each vial of vaccine holds 10 doses, so how are you going to get each person a unique number? Especially when they'd get a different one with the second dose. And then you are only getting a few millilitres of vaccine in your blood. So then you have a wound and lose a lot of chips? Or get a blood transfusion and get a load of chips from someone else?

    I just can't get over how people can't see the basics of this.

  2. Posted by RogerBW at 08:50pm on 20 March 2021

    To use a term I generally despise, I think you're over-thinking it.

    • Chips are scary. Therefore They are using chips.

    • Vaccines are scary (largely now because Wakefield was allowed to spread his lies in the USA after he'd finally been laughed out of the UK). Therefore They are using vaccines.

    • Therefore there are chips in vaccines.

    I enjoyed GURPS Illuminati and games based on the conspiratorial mindset much more in the 1990s than I do now when the believers are so much more visible.

  3. Posted by Chris Suslowicz at 09:45pm on 20 March 2021

    The recent leaking of problems with the space laser targeting system (rumoured to be that regardless of the chip identity number entered the laser selected the same coordinates (51 degrees 30 minutes 12.1104 seconds North -0 degrees 7 minutes 39.45 seconds West) which generated a #10CAT exception and fortunately locked out the firing circuits) have neither been confirmed nor denied by official sources; however all of the suppliers and their staff are being investigated and the project is expected to be delayed extensively.

  4. Posted by Nicola Zealey at 03:11pm on 22 March 2021

    Humans have not the tech to make the chips work. But of course the key bit is it is beyond HUMAN capabilities.

    Aliens! Aliens are behind everything! Gates is an Alien lizard disguised as a human. Throw away your masks, you sheeples! Everyone make tin-foil hats!

    All of this just confirms to me that Internet forums are an echo chamber for idiots. I don't yet own a smartphone because garbage in, garbage out.

    I read Roger's blog because it is curated by someone who is clever, well informed, has a similar sense of humour and is not COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY STARK RAVING BONKERS!

  5. Posted by RogerBW at 03:13pm on 22 March 2021

    Except when it comes to the woodlice.

    (I do recommend following that link to the MIT tinfoil hat study.)

  6. Posted by Chris at 04:08pm on 22 March 2021

    "I read Roger's blog because it is curated by someone who is clever, well informed, has a similar sense of humour and is not COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY STARK RAVING BONKERS!"

    Oh, I wouldn't be too sure....

    Signed, the one who shares the house with Roger

    p.s. don't ask about the woodlice

  7. Posted by cadbury moose at 11:00pm on 22 March 2021

    This moose misses Usenet in general and The Village in particular.

    What is Isambard up to these days, and is it still possible to get Trouser Stiffener?

    3:O)

    (Beard removed to allow an N95 to seal properly - this moose is taking no chances.)

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