Some trailers I've seen recently, and my thoughts on them. (Links are
to youtube. Opinions are thoroughly personal.)
About Endlessness:
looks like a deliberate parody of Art Film.
Held:
ah, Chekov's security system. But what this comes down to is simply
"vaguely pleasant people are tortured". Ooh, it's a villain doing it
so it's all right to enjoy watching it.
Bad Trip:
I don't think I would want to be in the same room with someone who
enjoyed this.
Voyagers (Teaser):
very pretty but wot do it do? I know, I know, teaser. And they're
getting plenty of use out of that one small corridor set; maybe they
took advice from someone who'd worked on Doctor Who.
Thunder Force:
ah, fat women are funny. Ha ha.
Tom Clancy's Without Remorse:
is he really? Well, I suppose what with being dead and all. Ho hum,
wife killed to motivate "good" violent man, it was old and tired in
1993 when the book came out and it's older and tireder now. Are they
going to keep the decompression-chamber torture-and-murder sequence?
City of Lies (Teaser):
yeah, but nobody caught the murderer and they're not likely to now. So
there's no resolution, no story.
Night of the Sicario:
bang bang bang emote, that's all this trailer has to say.
Paper Spiders:
not at all my sort of thing, but it looks a whole lot better than
anything else in this batch so far.
Golden Arm:
not that I actually want to watch Sports Movie, but I want to watch
Comedy Sports Movie even less.
Vanquish:
and if what we're going to get is an endless parade of Heroes Who
Don't Do That Any More, then yeah, let me at least have one who's a
little bit different from the grunty beefcake mould.
Wildcat:
ah, more torture close-ups. What fun.
The Unholy:
as long as it can stay away from the generic horror jump scares and
the rest of the worn-out playbook there might actually be something
here. Not hopeful, but most horror trailers don't conceal what they're
up to.
Spirit Untamed:
even the character models are generic.
Concrete Cowboy:
if this is based on real people, why is everything they say so
desperately stereotyped? Just a bad trailer edit, or a lousy
scriptwriter?
Crock of Gold:
another hagiography, apparently.
Voyagers:
ah, right, the silliest sort of generation ship. (And I know there's
stiff competition for that title.)
Bloodthirsty:
I like at least one of the principals to be at least a little bit
compelling. Eh. Might work if it's less clichéd than the trailer
makes it look.
Initiation:
are you going to make an actual criticism of… no, here's the knifey
murdery bit. Pretty white woman in danger!
Stowaway:
no. No no no your mass margin does not work like that. And oh look
you invoked The Cold Equations. Going to have to pull the nose up a
long way to stop this one disintegrating when it hits the air.
The Virtuoso:
oh no suddenly I don't feel so good about being a rich successful
assassin. How terrible is my pain! (Did they really film all the bits
with Anthony Hopkins in a single day? Sure looks like it.)
The Suicide Squad:
no doubt the sort of film that will appeal hugely to people other than
me. Aren't they cool? Yeah, if I were still eleven maybe.
The Night House:
what a pathetic reaction to "a horrible monster is coming after my
wife": don't bother to tell her, but reason yourself into thinking
incorrectly that your death will solve the problem.
Wrath of Man:
Statham plays the Statham Character again, in this remake set in a
world populated entirely by security guards and criminals. (Not even a
gratuitous strip club scene. Is Ritchie getting old?)
Spiral:
genuinely smart psychopaths know they can have much more fun working
for the police. Eh, if I want grim and gritty cop drama with the
yellow light shining through the windows there's an awful lot of it
out there already.
Zola:
why do I care about any of these people?
Percy Vs Goliath:
Walken's looking good at 78. You'd never know from this trailer that
it actually happened in Canada… but Hollywood reduces everything to
its basic story templates, and trailers make the film look even closer
to them than it really is.
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